02 6 / 2012
Feeling so inferior because of the incident today. Always feel that Im not up to expectations…
13 5 / 2012
I’m back. Its been a long time since I actually login my tumblr. I don’t know if it helps by coming here, but I shall just try to leave the little bits and pieces here and head to bed. Hope things would be fine tmrw. I’ve never thought things would escalate to where is it now. A mistake, a moment of folly. I’m starting to realise I’m making myself taking the path of no return. I really need time to sort myself out. Havent felt like this for a long time. Inclined, fearful, guilty.| Empty, worried, guilty. I need someone who can understand how I’m feeling and offer me the best solution. I can’t help but let myself do things that I know its wrong. What’s wrong with me? I don’t know what’s the reason behind, but there’s this drive that forces me to carry on with what I’m doing. I know it can’t go long and I can’t keep it in wraps. I know there’ll be so many people out there who’s gonna hate me, but I’m ready for the judgement. But i”m so worried for what might happen if I make the absurd decision. Ain’t I trying to destroy all that I’ve built and throw away all I’ve ever wanted? I’ve tried to stop, but I find myself sinking in more and it feels different. Something is wrong with me inside but I dont know what I can do to make myself feel better. I don’t know what’s wrong with me now. Or I just refuse to know….
03 3 / 2012
Didn’t expect midnight movies to affect my mood like how it did just now. Tossing around my bed for the past 20 minutes and I still can’t fall asleep. My mind is so caught up with different thoughts and my heart is heavy. I’m afraid that things might go wrong for us. I might be complaining, whining and even throwing tantrums at times, but I must say I’m truly happy about everything this time round. I’ve never put in so much time, energy and effort into managing a relationship with someone before, and I’ve never felt tired even after half a year. I think it takes the effort of really 2 different individuals to keep everything smooth sailing. We must not use being lazy or tired as an excuse to do less for the other party. I believe everyone deserves to be pampered by their loved ones isn’t it? By showing efforts would actually make a big difference to others.
And all these movies are making me lose confidence in walking down the path of life. It seems like really a long way before we can settle down and we’ve so much obstacles coming our way. I’m so afraid I can’t find someone who can make me feel the way you do. Would time bring us together towards a future together or would it slowly bring us apart till we become strangers? I know there’s a lot that I need to do to keep all these things going. I’d try for I know what I want. Would you make an effort to make things work out too?
I guess sometimes I just need more assurance from you, and myself…
